I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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