I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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