I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
