His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
