:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
