We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
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so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
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it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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