Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm getting married
To pizza
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize