god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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