around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
