Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
