I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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