I think my vagina is haunted
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
These tits shall not be calmed
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
