I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
