something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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