This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
