Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
