I wish I could punch you in the face.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
