No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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