Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
