Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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