i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
