I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
