Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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