drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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