wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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