i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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