how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
