its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
