FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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