we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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