i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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