I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
