bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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