i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
