my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
