I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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