i barfeds in our rink
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
