Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
