That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
