I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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