Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
