college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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