that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
