Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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