I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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