what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
