I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
