Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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