Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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