If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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