the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
