well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
