I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
