He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
