I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she peed on how many people?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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