well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
