dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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