the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
How's work?
Spinning.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Couch. On fire.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
