well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
