is wine microwaveable?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
