Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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